1. NAME THE FEELING
As you think about an event or incident that causes you to feel a certain way, especially where you no longer wish to stay feeling that way. Then, have a look at the emotions wheel, starting on the outside circle and find all the words that best describe how you feel in those early moments. List or write down all the words and as you do this, using the colours as a guide, note down the core emotion (this is the circle in the very centre of the wheel).
For example, if you feel jealous, the core emotion is ANGER Naming the feeling gives us clarity. If we can language the feeling, we can fully experience it.
2. OWN THE FEELING
Instead of blaming others for how we feel, connect with the truth that the feeling we have comes from the inside. No-one can make us feel anything. We choose how we respond. Owning that the feeling is our own and no-one else’s responsibility is the precursor to acceptance, change and empowerment. Through choosing to own the feeling, we begin to see why it is there; we can explore for what purpose we feel the way we do in certain situations.
Where conflict exists, how can we let our boss or peers know how we feel? Bearing in mind we are feeling awful in these moments, often helpless and without a clue how to keep going. It is important we find strength to let them know for they may not be aware the impact their words or actions are having, until we tell them. The challenge for us is to hear how they respond.
3. FEEL THE FEELING
Feel the feeling fully, without guilt or shame. Give yourself permission and allow the feeling to be there. The only reason we avoid a feeling is due to the times where we experienced shame or guilt around the feeling. Know that the guilt or shame comes from our conditioning (the way we were raised). We hid feelings when how we expressed them as a young child was not accepted. We are now neurologically designed and capable to experience the feeling fully and to be OK. The feelings are parts of us to accept as a human being. And, as we allow ourselves to fully feel our feelings, we reclaim our energy.
4. LET IT BE AND LET IT GO
One we remove the resistance to the feeling the feeling we allow it to be. Feelings are designed to be fleeting. The feeling may last for hours or for a minute. There is no rule here expect to accept and allow. Connect with the feeling as it is part of you and be there with the feeling like you would be there for a child. Where we notice negativity where due to past experiences the feeling then impacts on our choice of behaviours that are not giving us the results we want in life, we can choose to feel something else. We can use the emotions wheel again to help with this. For example, where we have chosen (in these situations/events) to let anger come in and then go, we can then ask ourselves what would I now rather feel instead? What feeling(s) will take me towards who I want to be in those moments? How would I need to feel to show up as that person? We can use the emotions wheel to language how we then gain more control over our emotional responses.
Recreated from “The Code to Feeling Our Feelings”, META DYNAMICS™ FOUNDATIONS, The Coaching Institute